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LiveJournal for Beth.

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Sunday, December 11th, 2005

Subject:Life.
Time:11:36 pm.
I haven't really had much use for Live Journal. Haven't had the need to write about my every day escapades, haven't felt desire for it...but now, as the first semester of my freshman year comes to a close I felt I should take the time to reflect.

I have loved Syracuse University from day one. The place, the people, the everything. I feel home here. But I did struggle for a while, because I had yet to truly connect with the girls I spent all my time with, and felt unsure and alone. But now, I have grown to love them with all of my heart, and I have discovered that it is extremely possible for such diverse people with such different beliefs to become the best of friends. I feel myself around them. They know my quirks, my downfalls, my annoying tendencies, and they have come to love me, oddness aside, and me them. I am happy that my friendships here have grown and developed and can only imagine what 3 and a half more years can bring. Having Liz here, is amazing too. Being able to laugh with and tell my stories to one of my best friends in person, and listen to hers and just know that I will always have that special bond with someone here, and to be able to grow together while growing seperatly..its wonderful.

My friendships at home have adapted to the drastic change. Coming home and sitting in the places that are all too comfortable and laughing with the people I have grown up with was absolutely amazing. Theres the people I talk to all the time, and the ones who we go a few weeks or so without talking, but its all good. No worries, noone gets angry, we just understand, and we know that when we come home, come back to eachother, its still amazing, and its still like it always was, and to know that the people who I love with all of my heart, still love me, and still long for our memories and our amazing times, is a great feeling.

I have a best friend. Who today, told me she was proud of me. And those words made me smile. I, too, am so incredibly proud of her. And I love that we just have that special connection, and we always will, and I know that no matter what, she will always be there. Thank you.

I have become so close with my sister. Not like we weren't before, because we were. But she has helped me so much, with correcting my papers, to talking about birth control, to just understanding me, and making me laugh, and making me smile. I am so proud of her, and who she has become. She has always been a role model for me, and I envy her talents, strength and sense of self. She too has grown so incredibly much, and I am proud to know that I have helped, and watched her become this amazing woman who is comfortable in her own skin, and finally comfortable with who she is.

My relationship with my parents has changed so much, beginning with this past summer. I am comfortable discussing personal things with my mom, talking about alcohol, boys, everything. I am no longer afraid to tell them things, but Daddy doesn't have to know everything... :). I am so grateful that they have put their faith in me, and are sacrificing so much to send me to a school where they know I can flourish and thrive. I love them with all of my heart.

I have been able to maintain my grades, and keep up with my school work, and although I was a little bit lucky having had a fairly easy scheduale and course load. I know understand what college is, and how I need to grow and develop as a student in order to succeed. Next semester should be hard. But I think I am ready.

I have not been able to work on my body as much as I had hoped, and am still extremely uncomfortable and insecure, but I am trying, and I know what I need to do.

My whole outlook on boys and relationships has changed drastically. In high school I was constantly upset or depressed because everyone around me had a boyfriend, and I didn't and I convinced myself I needed one, and fell "in love" with people I wasn't really "in love" with. I was agressive, and most of the times extremely forward. I am still forward, but not as much, and when it comes to hanging out with boys, I have learned to take things slow, let them do the work, let them make the moves, they do do that ya know..haha. I no longer need a boy to be happy. I was hanging out with a boy who supposedly was really interested in me, and having had the opportunity to spend every waking minute with someone who liked me, and I liked, I didn't really take advantage of it, not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't need to. I also know that I don't need to be extremely sexual in order to make boys like me, if they are going to like me, its because its for me, not because I gave them head on the first night...thats not so cute. I am comfortable with being alone, and I know that if somethings going to happen, it needs time, and eventually it will all fall into place, and everything will be amazing.

I have become comfortable enough to be alone. Just alone. Sitting by myself, and just listening to the music, walking by myself, just being by myself. I know its okay. I don't need to constantly be surrounded by people to be happy. I am okay with having me time, and thinking. Its a good thing to do.

I am happy. I am content. And I am extremely excited for these next 3 and a half years. I can't wait to see where I am 2 months from now, where I am 2 years from now. I know I am slowly growing, learning, and changing, and I am excited because I know it will be for the better, not only will my new surroundings help to shape and mold me, but the people I am around will teach me things I never thought I could learn before, and even my best friends from home, as they change and grow, they will teach me new things too. I can't wait.

I love you Syracuse, you have been good to me.
5 experience anti-gravity -Full moon illuminates my room.

Tuesday, November 15th, 2005

Time:8:34 pm.
I am burning the loves of my life here at Syracuse University "I love you this much" cds..So excited.
1 experience anti-gravity -Full moon illuminates my room.

Time:1:10 pm.
I cannot wait until Monday.

I cannot wait for a week of reminiscing, laughter, hugs, more hugs, snuggletime, and my bestest friends.

The one thing that I noticed is that No matter how long you go without talking or how long you go without seeing eachother, the minute you do, its like you never left. You are still the same people you were before, the same best friends with the same inside jokes and same pet peeves and same favorite things. We will always be the same people to eachother because what we all share is a special bond. One that has been formed over years of love, and laughter, and good memories. One that cannot be broken just because of distance. Although now, we have all relocated and we all have somewhere new to call "home" for a good portion of the year. We will always have our real home, the one we grew up in, the one that will ALWAYS be there for us to to come back to eachother. We will always have long weekends, and breaks, and summers to see eachother and come back to the friendships we all love and miss.

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

That is one of the truest statements I have ever heard. I couldn't tell you how much I love everyone from home despite the fact that we may have not talked or seen eachother in a while. They are the ones who have molded me into who I am today. They are the ones who know every little thing about me. They are the ones who will be there until the end.

One week. One week, and it will be pure bliss.
I lied. Pure bliss begins thursday with the midnight showing of Harry Potter with my favorite Liz Fallon, and then the arrival of Lisa Rill on friday, but continues throughout the following sunday. :)
1 experience anti-gravity -Full moon illuminates my room.

Sunday, November 6th, 2005

Time:9:18 am.
I don't think you know how good of a feeling it is to feel home. This weekend was so good. I loved seeing everyone and I had the best time doing so. Tal, Dee and I laughed like no other and it was amazing. Anthony and I danced and sang like no other and it was amazing. Bill got irritated at me like no other and it was amazing. Lisa layed in my bed and lisa was lisa. They haven't changed, and it just felt so good, I love my friends and Its nice to know that they will always be here.

<3 It was a good weekend. Now back to the 'cuse.
1 experience anti-gravity -Full moon illuminates my room.

Tuesday, October 25th, 2005

Time:6:50 pm.
I want and I want and I want and I want...and I hope and I hope and I hope and I hope.

I wish...
Full moon illuminates my room.

Sunday, October 16th, 2005

Time:1:18 pm.
I had a great weekend.

I enjoy my friends.
I enjoy birthdays.
I enjoy dance parties on bo8.
I enjoy my roomie.

<3
1 experience anti-gravity -Full moon illuminates my room.

Thursday, September 29th, 2005

Time:3:27 pm.
Its nice out. Fall. I love it.
Full moon illuminates my room.

Tuesday, September 27th, 2005

Time:11:21 am.
I want to experience what it feels like to make someone happy. Happy through a phone call, a kiss, a hug, a good conversation, a smile. I want to experience what it feels like when someone thinks the world of you, and wants nothing but to make you happy.

When am I going to be able to experience that?


Its been a good two days, I'm wearing my ti-dye shirt and I look mighty damn fine.

We had three fire alarms go off in the wee hours of the night last night, and Kathleen and I had an uncontrollable giggle fest for about an hour when I was supposed to be sleeping.

Something in our room is going to get broken hahaha.

I'm shadowing at the radio station today, I'm gona get to be a DJ..but I don't want to do it alone, so hopefully i meet a cool cat whos worthy of doing a radio show with me..thatd be a good time.

Mom is coming next saturday.

Kathleens birthday is on tuesday.

Lalala.

going to study for Com 107.

<3
1 experience anti-gravity -Full moon illuminates my room.

Sunday, September 25th, 2005

Time:11:15 am.
I was expecting everything to be different from high school...completely different, and its not.

This wasn't a good weekend, I just don't think my head was in the right place.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new week. A good week.
Full moon illuminates my room.

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005

Time:11:34 am.
I love Syracuse University.

I love the freedom. I love the buildings. I love the opportunity to meet new people. I love my roomate and laughing about steel and sex appeal late into the night. I love my floormates and being insane with them. I love the classes (for the most part). I love the opportunity to indulge myself in a new city, new place, and just absorb it all one day at a time.

I miss my comfort zone. I miss being able to be my complete self and not have people think I'm crazy. I miss not talking to my friends every day. I miss not being able to have things to talk about with them.

Its really nice to have Liz here.

Lisa wants to come visit me this saturday night.

My sister visited me this weekend.

Its been good. Real good. I just don't like feeling like I'm crazy sometimes.

<3
2 experience anti-gravity -Full moon illuminates my room.

LiveJournal for Beth.

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